The Judas Window -

Benzodiazepine Dependency

by

Felicity Beilovich

Reviewed by Ross

Felicity's story began with a spinal injury and then a pelvic infusion which resulted in severe pain. Naturally she turned to the medical profession for relief only to be given a nightmare in a pill. Benzodiazepines! Over time she was prescribed various different benzodiazepines including: diazepam, oxazepam, lorazepam, temazepam, bromazepam, nitrazepam, flunitrazepam and triazolam. Innitially these pills helped her but slowly but surely as tolerance and dependence developed she became ill, very ill. Felicity a devoted mother from South Africa tells her story of benzodiazepines, how they destroyed a large part of and almost took her life. The pills made her sink so low that her days became tortured with repetative thoughts of throwing herself infront of the train that ran by her house but she could find no explaination for why she felt this way. Felicity was loosing her mind and for no rational reason or so it seemed! Felicity's addiction plunged her into a suicidal depression, leading to her committal to a mental hospital. During her time in hospital she and her psychiatrists tried in vain to find a reason for her anguish but could find none. She had a happy childhood, a wonderful husband and beautiful children who loved her very much. As her benzodiazepine dependency progressed she came to not care about anything anymore and depression and lack of emotion and thoughts of suicide was all she felt. All the doctors of the day could not pinpoint why she had declinded to such a level. However Felicity's mother told her that she believed it was the pills making her unwell as did her daughter's fiancé who had a basic understanding of drugs through his education in dentistry. Felicity still refused to believe her mother or her daughter's dentist fiancé and believed firmly that the doctors knew best and what her doctors said and that was that she needed the pills!

A chance encounter with an ex-convict changed everything for Felicity and put her on a fight back to freedom and sanity and escape from the pills. Jack an ex-convict remarked that Felicity reminded him of when he was popping lots of pills and stated its not you that is crazy it is all the pills you are taking that are making you crazy. This brief conversation put Felicity on a mission to escape the psychiatric hospital and her pill addiction. It was the only way. She had to fight for her surival but in secret as no one believed her not her doctors not her husband nor her children. They thought she needed her pills! The rest of the story is truely shocking and gripping reading. Buy the book and read her shocking story. It has a happy ending.

Felicity has as a result of her benzodiazepine addiction received and accepted invitations to lecture about the problems of repeat prescribing of benzodiazepines and prescription drug addiction in general at university's, clinic's, college's, schools to doctors, addiction workers and children. She has started up program's to help meet the needs of offenders in correctional centers and 1200 people have benefited from this program alone. Many people of all nationalities and backgrounds from house wife to convict to academic to doctor have benefited from her awareness campaigns and many owe their lives to Felicity. She turned a horrible and terrifying experience into something positive. Felicity after her traumatic experience with benzodiazepine addiction remains drug free to this day despite her continuing pain. Felicity's account clearly shows that simply following "doctor's directions" can lead to addiction just as cruel, painful, serious and life threatening as one suffered by an illicit drug addict.

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