Triumph Over the Little Yellow Pill!

Zephyr's Benzo Story

Here's a nutshell version of my Benzo story:

I was given Klonopin (clonazepam) for anxiety. My son had just been deployed into a dangerous spot in Iraq. Of course I had anxiety!

I was told that I should take it for the rest of my life and to just consider it my "vitamin K."

My doc pushed a higher dose on me even though I was over-medicated at the level I was on. (I have always been oversensitive to medication and always been able to get by on a lower dose.) I tried it for a few days and discovered how unnecessary and ridiculous the higher dose was so I lowered the dose to decrease the sedative effect so I could function.

I very quickly built up a tolerance to the drug and started having withdrawal symptoms between my doses.

I got pretty sick of the side effects and the doc, so I decided to discontinue the medication after four months. The doc had insisted that the Klonopin was not addictive at the low dose that I was taking. Wrong!

Over the course of a week I lowered my dosage: a whole pill one day, then the next day, 3/4 of a pill, then the next, half a pill...and so on.

I was fine until 4 days after I had stopped the Klonopin. I was teaching a class and noticed that my arms were sweating and I was very anxious for some reason. My stomach was also in great pain. I stopped for lunch and ate a roll and drank some milk, hoping to soothe it. I sat in my office, sweating, grading tests and praying like crazy to make it through the day.

That night my abdomen swelled up with what I now know was Benzo-belly: gas, pain and diarrhea. I had an electric feeling in my heart and every beat was amplified torture with arrhythmias. The electricity ran up and down my arms and legs. I was too ill to stand. I lay writing in agony.

I called my boss to explain, knowing that this was worsening and I couldn't possibly teach the next day. Little did I know that it was just beginning and that I would loose my job, unable to work because of this mysterious condition.

I lived in agony, pain and utter confusion. What was happening? My family doc (not the prescribing doc) couldn't help me. A friend who was a doc assured me that the Klonopin wasn't the problem because I had been off of it for 3 weeks. My family went about their lives as I spent my days writhing on the couch with worsening symptoms.

I had 2 "neural events" that were a lot like seizures. The doc wouldn't believe me and implied that I was either lying about my symptoms or that I was a strange freak that was reacting in some weird way to the medication. He actually asked if I was from another planet! He was very rude and abusive. He wanted me to take a large dose for the rest of my life. (It's interesting that his waiting room was filled with miserable looking people in tears.)

I kept Googling my symptoms online, trying desperately to find out what was happening to me. Finally one day, I found a link to "electric legs" and the Ashton Manual. That lead me to a Benzo-withdrawal forum and help. I immediately got back on the Klonopin, now knowing that I had to withdraw slowly and properly.

When I told my doc I wanted to get off of the medication and asked for another prescription of Klonopin, enough for a taper, he was very upset and abusive. Seeing that I was determined to get off the stuff, he relented but gave me only enough for a rapid taper of 6 weeks.

I fired that doc and went to my family doc and explained the Ashton, Valium (diazepam) crossover and taper. He agreed to work with me and spent the next year helping me.

In a couple of weeks I had crossed over to 15 mgs of Valium.

5mgs in the morning, 5 in the afternoon and 5 before sleep.

Valium really eased the withdrawal symptoms and tolerance situation.

Then I began cutting 1 mg every 2 weeks from my morning dose. Then I attacked my afternoon dose.

Then I seemed to hit a hard wall of withdrawal symptoms and I lowered my cuts to .5mgs, every 7-10 days. This helped quite a bit and I was able to continue cutting until I had finished my taper.

I cut pills with an X-acto knife and put the doses in a large "days of the week" pillbox--only it was for a month at a time. It really helped to have it all planned out and laid out like that.

I used ice packs for the stomach pain and found "Ana's" ginger thin cookies helped with the nausea. I swam and sat in a hot tub or bath whenever I could, as water seemed to help ease pain.

I found great relief in music and would block out daily noise by listening to Josh Groban, etc. Sometimes I was so overwhelmed by people and noise that I sat in my closet with a book and headphones.

I ate a simple diet of bananas, oatmeal, "Heart Smart" cereal, pecans, blueberries, etc.

I found out that the potassium sorbate in the cottage cheese I had been eating revved up withdrawal symptoms and noticed an improvement when I stopped eating foods that contained preservatives and MSG. I ended up eating a lot of "Frito's" as they are preservative-free.

As my brain began to heal I began craving meat, something I don't normally like. I ate burgers and I think I just needed the amino acids and protein while healing.

I used foot reflexology and found it quite helpful.

I thought my taper would go on forever, but before I knew it I was taking my last pill. Four months later--most all of my symptoms were gone.

It's been over a year now and I am doing fine. You can heal, you can get free of the Benzo's grip, you can have a normal life again.

I learned a lot from this experience, I'd never want to repeat it but it did make me stronger. I know I can get through anything now, because I made it through my Benzo-hell year.

By Zephyr